There is no such thing as 'Business Networking'
If you want to build a true network, bond with people on a personal level and the business will naturally come.
"No Giver, No Receiver, No Gift"
As we continue our journey to discover how you want to align with your vocation, we’re going to have to address the curse / blessing of dealing with other people. Navigating your way towards a position that you would like to call your career, you will undoubtedly have to get to people aligned with your goals. We falsely refer to this as ‘Business Networking’ or simply ‘Networking’, and more often than not, it exists in the one place younger generations hate more than anything, LinkedIN. Not exclusively so, but an unfortunate creation and business requirement of the social media era.
A common complaint among my students is that they feel like they are being forced to navigate a social platform that is superficial on all levels. If Instagram is the ultimate vanity platform of ‘look at how amazing my life is based on this post’, then LinkedIN is the god-tier platform of ‘look how amazing I am by reading this 500 post I wrote about me, complete with bullet point emojis.’ LinkedIN posting is often conflated with networking, and networking itself as a construct, is nothing more than building relationships. So why do we call it ‘Networking’, built by using two words ‘net’ and ‘working’ that has nothing to do with social bonding?
Is it meant to be a ‘net’ to trap people? Kind of cruel. Or perhaps a spider net, depicting the interconnectedness of each weave? But a spider net isn’t the most interconnected weave and not very efficient with regards to social bonding. Is it meant to be a part of the internet? Ok, but can social bonding not occur offline? And why ‘work’? Can people not bond to discuss peer work? Does it perhaps mean the same as its IT counterpart to connect more than one system together? But is a connection enough? It certainly seems to be the thing that people do most on LinkedIN; push a button to connect and voila, you are ‘networked’.
Networking is a soulless and meaningless expression that people use in lieu of the actual expression of ‘relationship building’ because they would like to connect with you, but at an arm’s length; ready to chat about business and their needs while laying boundaries not to connect to discuss personal lives. Just two husks of human beings pinging each other to discuss KPIs. But it never works does it? Those boundaries get crossed all the time as people become friends or lovers in work places. That’s because the human need to socially bond with others, supersedes transactional conversations disguised as ‘colleagues networking’. Therefore the answer to effective social bonding lies in the opposite of what we consider ‘business networking’.
Over several sessions, I teach effective outreach, and social nurturing of personal bonds. I call it, ‘Growing and Watering Your Garden’. The initial lecture goes as such; if you want to catch butterflies, you could use a net or try and catch them with your hands. But doing so is difficult, often resulting in injuring the butterfly. The best and most effective method of ‘catching’ butterflies is by building a garden. By planting seeds and nurturing them to grow in flowers, you attract more butterflies to you, than you would by chasing them. The same can be said of jobs. Sure, you can apply to a thousand jobs and get some call backs, but what if you could attract the jobs to you. Jobs, however, are objects and inherently lifeless in and of themselves. People are behind jobs and people are responsible for filling those jobs. The flowers that you plant are bonds between you and other people, and the more you nurture those flowers, the bigger and stronger they get, attracting your desired outcome to you. If you build robust, deep, and personal relationships with enough people, then those same people feel compelled to reciprocate those sentiments back. So when you are in need of a job, and something becomes available, you’ve built the right relationships to secure them long before the interview process. More than half of the job hunt has been completed simply through the garden you’ve built. Opportunities will begin floating around you all the time, and because you are also part of this garden, you will reciprocate opportunities back.
Intelligence agencies operate on the model of ‘Access and Favors’. That is, gain access to the asset you wish to connect with, and begin an exchange of favors by offering first. Everybody needs something and more often than not, it’s just emotional support and presence. People also want to feel needed / wanted. Sometimes it helps by just asking to pick their thoughts on an idea you have. The human bonding experience is built on ‘give and receive’, and the more you give, the easier it becomes for you to receive. Doing so authentically, not only secures you with a system of work procurement, but also provides you with genuine friendships and perhaps even more. The balance occurs after you give first, and action from the other party, by natural extension, will be reciprocated. Perhaps not immediately, and maybe not in the same value, but some form of a connecting dot will appear to your desired outcome.
Ok, but how do I do it?
Relationships aren’t built overnight. Those elements in your garden start as seeds and they need to be watered over a period of time before they can blossom into something that you can engage with. Most people walk away after connecting with someone on LinkedIN. This is like planting a seed and then neglecting to water it. Like all projects, you have to be willing to dedicate time to build your garden to flourish, otherwise it will be filled with rotten soil and weeds. When engaged with me, I will review your personal needs and desired goals. From there I build a comprehensive list of people who are ideal for you to build a bond with. How you will build those bonds is a more intricate system and depends on your industry. I show you tactics on how to make the first connections and what to say. From there we set up a framework to engage and nurture those relationships in an authentic manner with conversation points that stem from genuine interest.
Many of my students have moved away from making random connections on LinkedIN to making selective targeted connections that yield more effective results after identifying and aligning with their core values. They connect with people they actually want to connect and share an experience with, that is mutually beneficial. We move past work conversations and discuss personal lives, our achievements and how we got to where we are to make deeper bonds with shared experiences. We build trust on those stories and move towards relationships that are more akin to friendships. We learn about each other’s families, traumas, and personal experiences. These bonds go so deep that when you reach out for support in your job search for a job, you already have won the support of people inside the places you want to work at, because you have nurtured relationships with people who work at places that are aligned with your core values.
‘Business Networking’ isn’t a thing and it never was. It was at best an empty construct meant to superficially connect people for personal benefit; a hollow attempt to make inauthentic relationships work within a capitalistic framework. Far and few of those people are likely to reach out to offer a lending hand, because no meaningful connection has been made. The ones who are more than likely to help you out are those whom you helped out, and supported. They are the people who bonded with you over personal stories, work related or otherwise. No bond is greater than a shared experience, and when you constantly reach out to support, you will see hands reaching back. The garden is all there is. Shape it and water it anyway you can and it will nurture you back. Bask in the beauty of human connection and watch the butterflies begin to flutter about.
Bond with people on a personal level!
My philosophy
